What normal bodily function did you only learn about when it happened to you, that you wish someone had told you about?

What normal bodily function did you only learn about when it happened to you, that you wish someone had told you about?

44 thoughts on “What normal bodily function did you only learn about when it happened to you, that you wish someone had told you about?

  1. When period blood clots. I first got it when I was 13 and I genuinely thought I had some type of blood cancer.

  2. discharge. period clots so big if you get one in the shower you need to ram them down the drain with your toe

  3. Periods. I knew they happened of course, but i didn’t know about all the addons. Sore boobs, severe pain, headaches, sickness, mood swings, weight gain, really random mash potato cravings etc.

  4. When I started having sex (I am a woman), I was baffled that the sperm comes out from the vagina after the intercourse. I have always considered myself pretty well-educated about such things, but somehow I never even wondered about what happens to sperm after sex. I pretty much assumed that it was supposed to somehow melt or get absorbed inside me.

  5. For me (male) it’s that if I pull my foreskin back completely, the head is attached and won’t fall off. I’m an uncircumcised European. Around age 12 I started trying to retract it in the shower. It was painful. One day I managed to almost completely retract it, but not enough to see how everything was joined together. I thought I’d discovered another hole and assumed that’s where the semen comes from, and I spend several weeks worrying that I had broken my penis. Had I waited much longer to retract my foreskin, I’d probably have phimosis now as an adult (painfully tight foreskin). It’s only by the luck of my curiosity, and not by education or a doctor that I don’t.

  6. Boners. Wish someone had given 12-yr old me a heads up.
    I had to figure out the boner-hiding techniques through trial and error. Mostly error.

  7. Its been said already but definitely period clots. I have endometriosis and went to the Dr several times as a teenager about painful and heavy periods only to be told that I was being dramatic. I knew it wasn’t normal but the medical professionals around me massively let me down.

    That and sex noises – not like moaning etc, I’m talking the slapping and squelching. And when you’re sweating and your chests rub together and make a fart noise. I’d like to have been more prepared for that lol.

  8. Was solidly convinced until my 20’s that having a bowel movement once a week was fine. By the time I figured out it’s absolutely not normal I started having the opposite problem.

    My gut hates me btw.

  9. about the existence of vaginal smear, that thing that basically makes every day pads necessarly or the fact it is rather normal.

  10. Wet dream. I have a dad and two older stepbrothers and nobody gave me a heads up. “Did I pee the bed? That didn’t feel like pee. That was a good dream. What the hell is happening? Is this Covid of the penis?”

  11. This is one for the no-fap crowd…

    After a bad accident where I was knocked off my bike, I was prescribed strong opioid painkillers for around 6 months. These have the effect of obliterating your sex-drive, and can lower your testosterone so much that even if you did want to have sex, you might have trouble “getting it up”.

    For about 5 months I had no sex, no masturbation and few erections, even the ones during sleep.

    When I did get one, I noticed it was slightly curved, it wasn’t before. I told the endocrinologist and he said if you don’t have regular, full erections, a plaque can build up and scar tissue can form due to prolonged deprivation of oxygen rich blood, shortening or deforming the penis, which is often permanent. I was kind of aghast with disbelief that no one had told me this, it’s probably up there as one of the worst nightmares for most men. Luckily my case was very mild and reversible, but it’s often permanent. I was **so angry** that no one had ever told me about this, because I would have forced myself to get erections even with no desire, as a kind of house-keeping effort, had I known.

    It’s very much a case of “use it or lose it”… Should definitely be common knowledge.

  12. So it turns out that if you consume a large amount of purple food colouring – like in grape PowerAide – when metabolized, it turns bright green.

    Like *bright* green.

    Shitting what appeared to be a pile of lawn clippings was mildly disturbing.

    Also: consuming large amounts (or very high concentrations) of capsaicin can result in it being expressed in urine – with the expected results.

    Fuck you Da Bomb Beyond Insanity!

  13. I remember the first time after masturbating that I came. Prior to this I never needed to clean up.

  14. Not really a function, but I thought for an emberrassingly long while that I had to have had some kind of operation done on my penis when I was a baby, because of the “scar” on the underside of it.

    In case you are wondering that right now: it’s the result of the -completely normal- stage of fetal development where the genitalia grow towards the middle and then fuse together.

    Source (warning if you don’t want to see genitalia I suppose):

  15. Orgasm first time I masturbated after being told about it by a childhood friend the orgasm was a complete fantastic surprise .

  16. Cramp.

    I’d never had it, never even heard of it.

    I Was walking home from a friend’s house one night at about 10pm,aged 15,and suddenly massive cramp in the back of my leg. I fell to the floor in pain and legitimately thought I was dying or at the very least I was gojng to lose my leg.

    I didn’t know what to do other than lie on the ground in pain.

    If I’d had a phone back then I would have called an ambulance. After a few mins the pain just sort of went, so I got up and walked home, thinking I’d just suffered some freak leg exploding disease or something.

    Told my mum about it thinking she’d be really worried and she was just like ‘yeah that’s cramp, have some water’

  17. White/clear discharge in your panties does not mean you have a yeast infection or a disease. That’s just your hooch cleaning itself and it’s normal.

  18. Squirting. The debate is endless but whatever it is, it’s not just being gross and pissing yourself. It’s involuntary. But damned if I didn’t feel embarrassed as hell the first time. Last time it happened with a new guy I was mortified but he knew what was going on and had no problem with it. If anything he got cocky about it.

  19. When I was around 9 I was having a normal day at school when I asked to go to the toilet as I needed to go but when I was the I pulled back the skin (i was uncircumcised and the skin was not able to go back all the way at that age) but when I pulled it back this time it went further than usual and I got worried thinking I just ripped my penis but anyways after a while of me checking it out confused a teacher called me back to class and I couldn’t help but keep looking as obviously it was strange to me and I got caught by my favourite teacher..

    TLDR: my foreskin came back all the way when I was nine and my teacher caught me checking it in class

    Also please let me know if I was just a weird kid and if anyone had this when they were younger as my one friend I ever told about this said he can relate

  20. Tonsil Stones. I thought I was a crazy person as I was pulling these disgusting little things out of my tonsils. I even went to a doctor who didn’t know what they were. But they’re super normal and common. I have a coworker who has that weird bad breath that comes with it, I’m trying to figure out how to tactfully ask if he’s considered he might have tonsil stones.

  21. I genuinely thought explosive diarrhoea was a joke until I had it. Gaddamn it’s name does it justice.

  22. Ingrown hairs in the genital region. When hair finally started coming in on my dick and balls I ended up with this massive ingrown right above my penis. Only I didn’t know this was possible, I mean ingrown weren’t really a problem at all till that point. So to my 12 year old mind this was an STD. Looked fairly similar to the STD’s you see in books. I know it wasn’t a pimple cause it wouldn’t pop. It was just this massive ever growing bump above my dick that was getting redder and redder and more painful with each passing day. Naturally has to be an STD only other reasonable explanation. Problem I hadn’t had sex, no one but me had been touching my dick so this had to be some sort of rare airborne std. Or I got it from a public restroom. I was a shy pooper only ever pooped at home I’d had to use a public toilet to shit while out around that time and no amount of paper rings made me feel comfortable about that.

    When I was getting ready to tell my mother about this miracle STD, I decided to take a shower first cause water was always calming. I figured I’d have to show it so I didn’t want ball funk. Plus by this time it was pulsing in pain with my heartbeat and hot water seemed to help. I took long shower, decided to give it one last squeeze before going out to face the music and the damn thing erupted. So plus, blood go everywhere. I push it all out making a mess in the bathroom. Theres this massive double bb size knot of hair at the bottom of crater that seems like it the size of a quarter, Yank it pains gone. Clean up the bathroom take another quick shower to get the gore off me and come out to my mom doing that thing where your obviously making busy work so you don’t have to deal with whatever it was you just heard. I realize from her perspective I took a long shower, grunted on the toilet for a few minutes, then bleached the fuck out the place followed by a short shower. For all intents and purposes it would have been a wank sessions to her by the sounds. I didn’t say anything cause that was a topic I didn’t want to discuss. So if sex ed would have just said ingrown are possible it could have saved me like week of pain and some major embarrassment.

  23. Sleep paralysis.
    Happens to me once in a while.

    The first time it happened I was so scared. Woke up in the middle of the night, I can see, I can hear, fully awake .
    But there is someone else in the room, a robber? A monster?
    I also feel the wind, although the window is closed.

    This mysterious person is coming towards me, I hear my roommate sleeping, I can’t move, I can’t open my mouth to shout for help. This creature is nearby, I’m trying as hard as I can to move my hand or leg, doesn’t work, suddenly I can move, nobody is on the room, except the sleeping roommate.

    Today I’ve learned to control it, although I’m not able to move I’m able to control my breath so i inhale and exhale fast, which makes me wake up faster, or alternatively I just close my eyes and try to fall back asleep.

  24. Women if you haven’t had children or you have small boys who haven’t hit puberty yet. If you love your children you should remember this . Tight clothing & spontaneous erections: The way penis is worn in pants during puberty period and the spontaneous erections have an important impact on the overall size and shape of the penis. For example, when males (who wear very tight underwear or pants) get erections, their penile tissue becomes restricted and, to some extent, immobilized. In addition, they often curve their penises over to the side to hide the awkward erection. This affects the enlargement because blood will flow better through one side of the spongy tissue and while leaving the other side undernourished depriving it of oxygen and other important nutrients.

  25. Extra molars started ejecting from my gums when I was pregnant.

    Started as just lumps above my gum line, progressed to bone shards that eventually flaked off loose into my mouth.

    Apparently it’s a normal response to the hormones.

    But yeah, like others I thought it was cancer, the lumps grew so fast

  26. I wish someone had told me that perimenopause doesn’t just mean skipping periods or lighter flow… in some cases, your periods will come closer together or will be much more intense than they used to be.

    It’s like your reproductive system is holding a giant clearance sale and EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!

  27. We’ve all eaten corn and know it passes right though your body. I always thought “what’s the point to even eat it?”

    Turns out that your body actually breaks down the inside of corn kernel, but does not have the enzymes to breakdown down the kernel itself.

    What you are seeing in the toilet is just a poo filled kernel…… you’re welcome!

  28. Not me, but my best friend didn’t experience heartburn until he was 26 or 27. I was with him, and he started complaining of worrying and unfamiliar symptoms. I helped him figure it out and gave him a Tums.

  29. Yeast infections. The first time I had one, I literally started crying, not knowing what it meant. I wish I was told this earlier.

  30. I actually wish I knew what *wasn’t* normal when it comes to menstruation.

    I was always told “oh, some women have period pain, just take a Tylenol and stop complaining.” When I was in the most excruciating pain I’ve ever experienced in my life.

    Turns out that while some degree of cramping isn’t uncommon, it is *not* normal to have your 10/10 worst pain ever in your life be from your period.

    Just a PSA for other women out there — if you have extremely painful periods, you stand a strong chance of having endometriosis, an actual treatable medical condition.

    We need to stop allowing our pain to be ignored, or written off as part of the “female condition.”

  31. Lots of hair falling out a few months after you have a baby due to massive change in hormones. I thought I had lupus or something.

  32. Wet dreams. I mean, I knew what they were. They’d come up in sex ed. But no one told me GIRLS could have them. I had been so confused about occasionally waking up thinking I’d peed a little bit. My mom was horrified when she learned this, because she had skipped this info assuming I learned in school!

    But I didn’t even realize girls could masturbate (or that I had) until high school. Because these things were covered for boys, but not girls. Of course most of the masturbation talk was telling boys it was a sin, don’t do it, but still. I remember thinking, “Glad I don’t have to worry about that temptation since I’m a girl!”

    So yah. The joys of an American, Catholic sex-ed.

  33. For some people the color in beets can’t be metabolized. One day I had a craving for pickled beets, I ate an obscene amount of them. Next day I thought I needed to go to the ER. I thought I would do what any sane person would do and use the internet to diagnose myself…yeah it was the beet juice. Pretty scary.

    TLDR: Too many beets makes poo look bloody.

  34. I was told when you’re pregnant that you can develop difficulties controlling your bladder. I was *not* told, however, that even 7 years after giving birth you may never **regain** control of your bladder. I genuinely may be looking into women’s incontinence underwear before I’ve even hit menopause. -_-

  35. When my son was born he was a sweet little red headed guy….that smelled like roadkill after a day or so. I was so freaked out that something was horribly wrong- turns out that when they tie off the umbilical cord the “cut” part above the knot ROTS off. Thus the roadkill stench. Would of been nice to have a heads up on that instead of a semi hysterical trip to the emergency room.

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