What lengths have you went to keep up a lie?
What lengths have you went to keep up a lie?
2 months ago
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About The Author
It’s a long story but if you ever see me around my grandparents please refer to me as *Doctor* TallEnoughJones
So it was sophomore year of high school, I took 1 class of basic 3D modeling as an elective. Keep in mind BASIC my models were bad but what are going to expect from a 16 y/o. A little later I was playing on a Minecraft pixelmon server (Pokémon in Minecraft) where I made friends with the owner and became a moderator. The owner of the server was also on the development team of the mod and he asked in the discord if anyone has any 3D modeling experience, I said I did (not a lie), he asked me if I could fix a current model he had that was giving him issues so I said sure (again basic, me moving the model was a miracle) but I looked up a bunch of tutorials and forcibly taught my self how to model. Over the course of the next year and a half I kept teaching my self and learning and I’d say I got pretty good at 3D modeling, and for a brief stint (before I left the project) I became the head 3D artist of the whole project and made decent money)
Mage (sever owner and dev of the mod) if you are seeing this, sorry for the lie, and thanks for the opportunity’s
None of my family knows how I met my wife. They think I met her in California through a friend out there when I was in the military. We actually met on Tumblr.
We’ve been married almost 10 years.
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In school i accidentally left a notebook in a class. It was a new notebook and during that class I’d only written one page… a rather embarrassing page. Well i realized later I’d forgotten it and someone was going to find it and open it to see whose it was and be met with no name, just a page of writing so bizarre that they’re surely going to want to find who wrote it. So i started faking an entire new notebook of notes and assignments using a whole made up handwriting style. Eventually the principle called me into her office and asked me if that notebook was mine. I told her it was not and that doesnt look like my writing and i showed her my other notebook for comparison.
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I’ve spent more than eight years in the same residence.
My neighbours are quite welcoming. Every time they see me go outside, they say hello, especially the wife. Every time, she’ll wave, say, “Hi, Rebecca!” and flash a wide smile.
Rebecca is not my name. At this time, it would be too awkward to fix. I simply had to take responsibility for it.
I didn’t want to go to a neighbor’s party, but they could see my car, so I drove to a town 40 minutes away just to have an excuse not to go.
I was 16 or 17 at the time. Didn’t want to go into work (I was a cashier at a grocery store). Called there before my shift and said “sorry I can’t come into work. I was out drinking in the woods last night and when the cops showed up we ran. I tripped and broke both of my arms.”
Boss says ok fine whatever. A few hours later an executive from work calls me and says I can miss work but I need to come down and show them my arms (obviously not believing me).
Well, my mom was at work as a nurse in the ER. I called her and asked if she could get me some casts. She obliges and my buddy and I drive over to the hospital to pick them up.
Head back to the house and begin forming the casts around both wrists/forearms. Let them harden and then grab some markers and have my siblings write things like get well soon on the casts. Head down to the grocery store to show my broken arms to the bosses and they had no reason to doubt at that time.
Went home, cut the casts off and didn’t go back to work for a few weeks. I don’t even remember why I didn’t want to go into work but it was probably just so I could stay home playing Xbox 360 with my friend
There was a “softcore porn” sort of mens magazine called FHM (For Him Magazine) which contained a lot of interesting articles between the scantily clad women. I would buy it regularly and read it in communal spaces in my last years of highschool. I was a closeted gay man and that was a part of my cover.
My partner and I pretended to be vegetarian for 10 years to avoid her aunt’s awful cooking. By the end we were actually vegetarian.
TL;DR: My grandma stubbornly lied about her age for over 70 years.
My grandmother was always incredibly vague about when she was born, how old she was when she came to the USA, how old she was when she was married, etc. Even her birthday was vague: In the old country (Eastern Europe) birthdays weren’t such a big deal, so her parents chose an approximate birthday for her visa. (NB: Her parents chose Jan 15, which later became MLK day. She was pretty racist, so we’d always mess with her on her birthday by wishing her a happy MLK day.)
Anyway, on one of her birthdays she said to my mom “You know, you don’t think of yourself as old, and then you get to be my age, and you have to admit it – you’re old!”
My mom thought this was a strange thing to say for someone she thought was turning 77.
“Mom, how old *are* you?”
“How old do you *think* I am?”
“Now I think you’re 80.”
My grandmother did not confirm or deny my mother’s guess.
Years later, when my grandfather died, we cleaned out his desk and found her old passport. Indeed, we found out that she came to this country in 1921 and lied about her age ever since.
In fact, she kept it up with everyone outside the family. She moved to an assisted living facility closer to my immediate family when she was in her mid-90s and never told anyone at the facility her age. Every month the kitchen would bring out a cake for people with a birthday that month – the oldest person with a birthday that month got to blow out the candles. They would ask “Who has a birthday this month?” A lot of hands would go up.
“Who has a birthday this month and is over 80?” A couple of hands would go down.
“Over 85?” A few more hands would go down.
“Over 90?” A bunch more hands lost.
Et cetera. My grandma? She never raised her hand.
We blew her cover with a 100th birthday party. Even her hairdresser had no idea.
She died at 103, outliving her cardiologist (who was 40+ years her junior) by six years.
She also lied about making gefilte fish. Then one day my mom found a jar of store-bought gefilte fish hidden in the laundry room behind boxes of detergent. When my mom brought up the jar and silently pointed to it, grandma exclaimed, “You never noticed!”
I called out of work with the excuse that my truck had died when I was on my way to work. My manager at the time said he would give me a paid day off if I brought him a receipt for the tow truck the next day. I said ok, hung up the phone and began to panic because my truck was sitting at home in perfect working order. I went to office max, bought a pack of those contractor work order pads along with some receipt paper. Went home and researched average tow rates, if it’s taxed, etc. Forged a tow truck work order, went online and found some fake receipt website where you just fill in the info and it makes a receipt you can print, printed a fake receipt with a made up to company’s name, and my friends name and phone number on it. Made sure the time on the receipt matched up with when I called out, made the handwriting look almost illegible on the work order, and gave my friend a heads up that someone from my employer might be calling him to verify the tow, just incase. Took the customer copy of the fake tow work order, stapled the receipt to the top right corner of the paper, and folder it up to look as legitimate as humanly possible. Took a different car to work the next morning to make it seem more legitimate. Set it on my managers desk the next morning, and mentioned that I left the tow receipt on his desk when I saw him. Never heard anything about it and received the paid day off. Ended up selling the truck shortly after and mentioned that I had “sold that piece of shit” to my manager to cover my tracks even more.
To fuck with one of my friends I decided it pretend I got married to 2 women while on my trip to Vegas. To further this story I had a photo from a photo op they had infront of one of the casinos and whenever he was over I started wearing one of the rings I made in jewelry class. He would occasionally ask how they are doing and I would bs some story about saving up so they could move up here. The best part is that another friend of mine that we hung out with frequently was also in on it. After about 3 months we broke the news to him that I was just fucking with him the whole time and he took it well.
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I used to sit in my car for hours a day to act like I went out. I was too scared of my parents to tell them I dropped out of college. I eventually got a job and used that as a cover until I had enough to move out.
Met my wife on one of those telephone chat dating things in the 90’s. Basically, before OKCupid, you would sign up for a voicemail and describe yourself. We connected and went out but were both embarrassed for using it. Fast forward 18 years, we continue to tell everyone we met in the music section at Borders.
In my early 20s, I worked as an in home caretaker of the elderly. When I was first hired with the company, I was sent to a lot of one-day jobs, like if the client’s regular caregiver was unavailable I would go fill in and then never see them again.
Being a young lady, they ALL would ask me if I was in college, which I wasn’t. I was a college dropout. And soon I got sick of the disapproving faces of these seniors whenever I would answer that I was not in school.
One day, I arrived to another client who was new to me. Sweet older couple. They asked me, as they all did, if I was in school. I was convinced I would never see these guys again, as was true for every client of mine up to this point, so I just answered yes I’m in nursing school.
I ended up being their regular caregiver for over two years. They often asked me how school was going. My best friend was actually in nursing school, so I always just parroted whatever she told me she was learning lol.
Not me but when I started as a newspaper journalist 20 years ago our leader writer was a man called Edward.
I only found out when he retired after 45 years with the paper that his name wasn’t Edward at all. When he started aged 16 one of the paper’s owners showed him round and had misheard his name.
He was too nervous to correct the owner so he went by the wrong name for nearly 50 years. His real name is Dudley.
I once worked in a smallish and pretty casual office. There was a park nearby where I’d go for a walk at lunch and sometimes I’d sit in the grass and do a few stretches before heading back. Well one day I guess a decent amount of leaves had gotten stuck to my long sweater, I went to the bathroom when I got back and a handful fell on the stall floor without my awareness. Not too long after, someone comes out wondering who would put a pile of leaves in the bathroom and why. It blew up very quickly and spread around the office. I knew it had to be me. Being the “outdoorsy person” I was questioned a few times. At the time I was very shy with a back corner desk where I’d pop in headphones and do my editing work, I definitely did not want attention so I denied it and acted clueless when asked, thinking it’d end with the day. It did not. The next day, my manager was greeted by a small pile of leaves on their desk in the morning. It became a war, it went on for weeks. I was too deep to admit the truth now. Leaves on desks, leaves dropped on heads, leaves stuck to the backs of shirts. It finally culminated on Halloween when TWO women from different departments came in dressed as piles of leaves. I never said a word!
My brother got away with one for 15 years because he doesn’t like cats.
Ex-SIL: “I’ve always loved cats but he’s allergic”
Mom: “no he’s not”
Brother: “crap!”
I once burnt chocolate chip cookies I was making for a baby shower. In a last ditch effort, I picked up two dozen cookies from McDonald’s. My plan wasn’t to mention anything to anyone, but one of our close friends was asking about the recipe and I said it was a McDonald’s copycat recipe I found on Pinterest.
I quickly found a recipe I’d never tried before and shared it with her. My husband jumped on board and supported me, even though he knew the truth. He even promised to never tell a soul about the McDonald’s cookies. It’s been about three years now and nothing ever came of it, but it’s one lie that he and I joke about every so often.
One time in high school soon after I got my license but didn’t have a car yet my mom let me take her mini van for a night to a friend’s house. I told my mom it was a regular sleepover but it was actually a house party I was going to. On my way of pulling out of my own driveway I hit the garbage can with my mom’s sideview mirror and it shattered into pieces and fell clean off. I didn’t want to go back inside and risk her being upset and telling me I couldn’t go to the party so I just picked up the pieces off the driveway, threw them in the front seat, and took off to the party. I had a good night of fun and woke up so hungover I had forgotten that I even crashed the car beforehand. When I walked outside to the van I broke down in hungover tears of shame and anxiety. I hopped in the car and parked in a Barnes and noble parking lot and just cried and tried to think of a game plan.
I must have still been a little buzzed cause going home without a bogus story was overwhelmingly out of my scope of reasoning. I noticed a plow truck drive by in the snow and BINGO. With real tears and panic in my voice I called my mom from the parking lot and told her that as I was inside Barnes and Noble that morning (I never even went inside) a plow truck must have hit her sideview mirror with it’s plow and I didn’t know what to do, sob sob, cry cry whatever. My mom told me to pick up the pieces and come home.
I came home a hot mess, smelling of alcohol, headache, red eyes from no sleep and dirty with the stench of lies. My mom played like she felt bad for me and said “hop back in the car, we will go to the police station and report the accident. They probably had camera that caught the whole thing.” I felt like I was going to throw up as I stared the officer in the eyes and told him (half drunk still) this bogus, over the top, story I made up. He told me how making up lies like this could get me in trouble and said he would call back when the camera footage came back.
I didn’t sleep for like a week. I was terrified. Nothing ever happened from the ordeal and life went on and the car got fixed. Yearssss later I told my mom the truth and she laughed and said she saw the whole thing happen in live time and told the police officer ahead of time what was going on. She told him to play along and scare me…
Lesson learned.
I had surgery for something that wasn’t even an issue.
When I was in middle school I enjoyed faking being sick so I was able to skip school, especially if that meant my parents were at work and I was all alone. I was able to make hot chocolate and play video games all day. It was a great time.
At the time I didn’t think much about the excuses I used, so most of the time it was just “sore throat”.
After having used that excuse several times over the period of a year my parents finally took me to the doctor to have my throat looked at. They did find one of my tonsils was noticeably larger than the other one and figured this could have been the cause of my issues. So they suggested surgically removing it. I was around 10 years old so I didn’t realize what surgery really was so I didn’t come clean.
A few weeks later I was on the surgical table.
To this day I haven’t told my parents about it. I’m 26.
On the positive side I was ordered to stay home from school for 14 days after the surgery and the doctor told me to eat lots of ice cream. So it was a win for me, I guess.