Struggling with premarital sex

Please someone help me… My husband and I are both 25 and we have been married for a little over 3 years but we are struggling to have a good sex life. I love him with all my heart and he couldn’t be a better husband, he is my best friend but we struggle with intimacy. When we were first married, we were so obsessed with having everything new that I didn’t care that much about my own happiness. We were doing it just for the sake of doing it and I was okay with it. Soon, I wanted to feel the same kind of pleasure he was feeling and feel the climax during sex. We have been trying to get me there ever since. I know its a lot mental and I try my best to relax and tell him what feels good but he is not getting it. I move his hand around and he stops for a second or two but then tries to do something else. Inevitably, I become unsatisfied and I emotionally crash after sex. Post sex feels like a failure, and sadness sucks the wind out of me. I can’t tell you how many times I have cried over this and I know it hurts them too. I feel guilty for making him feel bad because I know he really is trying his best. We just don’t seem to be on the same page sexually. I know I can get there quicker on my own but what works for me alone doesn’t seem to translate to us trying together. I’m not saying it’s never happened but I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve experienced climax during sex. We’ve tried toys here and there, but we both grew up deeply religious and the shame I feel about using toys absolutely gets in the way of my happiness, it seems almost counterproductive. Now here I am, afraid to try again, afraid of the sadness I’ll feel later, afraid that he’ll see me again disappointed and unsatisfied. I once heard someone say that good sex causes 10% of a relationship and bad sex causes 90% of a relationship’s problems. I couldn’t agree more. It weighs heavy on me and I dream of passionate sex with my husband. He wants to start a family next year and the resentment I’d feel over having a baby out of sex wasn’t enjoyable either, like there were a million more problems waiting to happen. I dont know what else to do….

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