I have been seeing this girl for a while and it is going great but the sex is not really there. I know it’s at the point I need to discuss but I don’t know how to talk about it exactly. I’ve tried talking with her about sex and her sexual preferences in general and she immediately shuts it down. I know the next step is talking about it, but I worry that discussing it will do more harm than good, so I guess I’m just looking for advice, so I make sure I Do the conversation properly. I think the problem is threefold. A big part is that during sex, she stays pretty still the entire time. She’ll kiss and hug me, but regardless of position she won’t really take an active part in IDK what to call it, riding or grinding in penetrative sex. Like if I stop what I’m doing, so does all the sex. It is also analogous to foreplay and initiation. I’m big on the importance of foreplay, so I’ll either use my hands or go under it before sex. To date, we’ve had sex about 20 times, I’ve had it every time and he’s had it once. Like I’m okay with him not wanting to give head, but not addressing my dick in foreplay just feels one sided. As far as initiation goes, it’s been 100% of the time from my end, if I didn’t we just wouldn’t have had sex. Most sex is just me on top and that’s fine but as someone who gets off on feedback and engagement from my partner, it’s lacking. To further complicate things she is struggling with pain during sex and my size so it is hard to know/believe she is actually enjoying it as well. She is normally very affectionate physically but not so much sexually. I know the next step is talking about it, but I’m worried that if I don’t do it the right way, it might make him insecure about sex and make things worse. I’ve felt kind of flat and I’m not as interested in sex as I should be, so I guess I’m just looking for advice on how to have a conversation about it.