Hey everyone, this is a major issue affecting my otherwise very healthy relationship right now. I’ve been in relationships in the past where my girlfriends were really glam, makeup, dolled up all the time until we went to bed. I had gotten used to an image where they were always wearing amazing eye makeup, lingerie underneath, high heels/shoes and everything that could make a girl attractive. Sex was great, I was on all the time but the relationship ended for other reasons. My current girlfriend is stunning and really fit, but she lives in trackpants and casuals literally most of the time. I love her, and I find her very beautiful, but 80% of the time she dresses casually I can’t help but feel sexually attracted to her. She dresses nice for me whenever we’re going out, or if it’s a special occasion, but it’s too much for her to do on a regular basis. I want to have more sex with her but I don’t know what’s wrong with my mind, I just can’t, unless she wears slutty clothes and does her makeup the same way. Anyone ever encountered something similar? Best way to head off this messy scenario?
My girlfriend can’t be turned on without dressing up in the most slutty way
2 months ago 19 Comments
I think its a psychologically learned behavior.
I’m not a psychologist just spitballing here.
I had something similar with the WAY sexual activities occurred. I had a distinct way for things to go for many years, numerous females (both dating and one night only) in my life. Then dated my now wife, for the first 4ish years I was in the same boat you are for how the past was. I think its just a matter of time and accepting. Honestly I don’t have a magic cure I just wanted to say that you aren’t alone in the feeling of past experiences influencing your feelings now. Best advice I can give is be open about it, not in a condensinding way but instead just to share where your mind is.. helped me and my wife and made us stronger together imo
My head works exactly the same way, though I think I may have been a bit less “spoiled” in past relationships than you. It’s never been an every time thing in any relationship. But I love it when it happens!!
One thing we do is when we have the time, she dresses up and we do a photo shoot, maybe it’ll just be a glamour or boudoir shoot without much nudity, sometimes we photograph or film ourselves fucking while she’s dressed to the nines – it’s the absolute tops, but it only happens a handful of times a year maybe even once or twice, we’re busy and it takes time.
The odd but really cool thing is that just looking at that stuff sometimes, jerking off to it and just appreciating it seems to keep some kind of fire going in my mind. Even when she’s not dressed up and wearing no makeup, I can still get craaaaazy excited about her. I’m not even picturing her glammed up in my head or anything, it just seems to work.
I’m still trying to get my head around it, I suspect that it may be some kind of a security thing, as if I *know* what she’s like at her best, and that means I don’t have to keep proving to myself that she’s hot and desirable – I can just enjoy her and get excited about her no matter what state she’s in. My mind is just absolutely convinced that she is hot and desirable by any standard, and it can make all the connections needed for extreme desire and lust all the time. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but it works for us, and she feels very validated and pretty because she doesn’t need to be glam for me to want to pick her up and toss her on the bed. But she also knows how much it delights me when she is glammed up.
I hope that helps somehow.
If you’re watching a lot of porn that fits this model stop watching that porn
I think that you may have a fetish.
You are Pavlov’s Dog. You’ve conditioned a response to the “slutty” stimulus to sex, instead of being conditioned to responding to sex alone.
You need to rewire the response. Make an effort to initiate sex when she’s in her PJs.
Maybe you just prefer well dressed women more than you realized. Part of dating is to find this stuff out. I’ve def dated hot fit people who just didn’t attract me the way some of my more average looking but very stylish exes did.
What’s slutty about women in lingerie??
You aren’t the only guy with that sort of kink.
And it’s honestly one of the easier ones to satisfy in my opinion.
Have you talked to her about how much you’d enjoy if she dressed sexier for sex?
Just speaking personally, I have a fairly significant section of my closet dedicated to slutty clothes and heels specifically because I know how much my boyfriend enjoys it.
That said, ideally you should be able to enjoy sex with her even when she doesn’t dress like that because, well, it’s not always practical,
Maybe there’s smaller things she could do trigger similar parts of your brain?
Maybe if she keeps her nails done nice, or has a few pairs of heels that are easy to throw on in the moment, or a particularly comfortable but still sexy outfit she can wear more often (I’m a big fan of body con t-shirt dresses for that reason).
Quit porn and masturbation, and make an effort not to look at any girl anywhere just because she’s pretty – unsubscribe those insta thots if you have any.
And for good measure, no sex unless she’s dressed casually to start with.
I think you’ll be surprised how fast you find her casual self sexy again.
If you’re already doing this or if it doesn’t work, you might see a therapist.
Completely quitting sex for a long time is usually the cure
Any behaviour that can be learned can be unlearned. You have gotten used to a profile but it’s impractical to expect every woman to be the same which means this will have a negative effect on your relationship/s in the long term. Essentially you have to teach yourself to enjoy how she looks in what she’s comfortable in. Trust me, it can get really sexy if you take advantage of the different look. Track pants have the advantage of being loose enough to slip your hands down the back of…and things can escalate from there.
“Can’t make a ho a housewife.”
Do you guys do foreplay?
My understanding is that this is the difference between a kink and a fetish. A kink is a nice-to-have. A fetish is a hard requirement to be able to perform or enjoy a sexual activity. But not my area is expertise. Maybe try speaking to a professional here though.
I took some psych in the first 2 years of my undergrad, honestly just sounds like a conditioned response. “Pavlov’s dog” is the experiment often referenced when explaining this quirk of our brains. I can see I’m not the first in here to identify such.
Essentially, you need to initiate sexual contact repetitively and exclusively while she’s dressed casually for a little while. Eventually, your mind will begin to associate casual dress with sex and your body will follow suit.
Conditioning comments aside, what happens if you just get naked with each other?
Does the desire only start when you see her dressed up?
Communication, you need to speak to your partner ! The end…
Communication is key to Every relationship
It’ll pass with time. What I do now is use those memories when I’m alone and it doesn’t matter what she’s wearing, I’ll still be ready to go.
Jeeze reading all the responses makes me feel like I’ve messed up terribly.
I’ve had similar concerns back in the day and instead of trying to reset to baseline as most are saying, I leaned into it. I’m nearly 40 and it’s been a pretty long escalation of wanting/needing kinkier and kinkier things.
On one hand I’m now super sex positive and fairly well versed in some fascinating things.. but it’s closed off my dating pool a ton because I’ve come to feel like I can really only date other folks who are kinky to at least a remotely similar degree.