Late bloomer here. I was seeing this guy for a short period of time and things escalated but no sex yet. The next time we met he suggested sex and I wanted to but I haven’t told him yet that I’m sexually inexperienced. I know some people see this as a shit so I wanted to be transparent first. I’m in my twenties. Basically at this age, I don’t see virginity as something sacred that I’m “losing”. Because I haven’t told him yet and I don’t want to do it over text, I’ve given a strict yes-we’re-going-to-have-sex no-no to my answers. I didn’t rule out that possibility either. After weeks of trying to decide on the next damn date (the nature of her work being busy), she basically indicated that she’s only up for casual sex. I didn’t go along because I’m not going to promise him sex when I haven’t told him yet? I’m not sure how he was going to react to that information the next time he was looking forward to having sex. It’s been a few months since we last talked and I’m sexually frustrated about him. If I reach out to her, what are the chances of her saying yes? And if I tell him I’m sexually inexperienced, is he still up for it? Is being a virgin in your twenties a disadvantage? Like does it feel like there’s something wrong with me or am I afraid of getting too attached after sex?
men, would you hook up with a virgin f?
2 months ago
9 Comments
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About The Author
theres 4 types of guys when they hear a woman is a virgin
1: the guy who has a thing for virgins to the point where it’s questionable
2: the guy who’s extra careful to the point where sex is either stressful or not fun
3: the guy who treats you the same as he would any other partner, but just a little more careful
4: the guy who doesn’t want to get involved with virgins. maybe he had some bad experiences in the past, maybe hes just looking for no strings attached. if so, just let him be.
so yeah, just gotta hope hes not a 1 or a 4
I guess just tell him straight up. You’re a virgin, you don’t mind losing your virginity to him if he’s up to it and you’ll be cool about it. If you will be cool about it, because what you write in your last lines can be a very real anxiety in this kind of situation. So just like know yourself well enough to be sure you can take it cool and casual basically.
I would think it was kind of a turn-on to be in his shoes if so.
Most guys I know wouldn’t consider it an ick thing. But some wouldn’t want that ‘responsibility’ if they knew they were only looking for casual sex. Then of course there are the small % of jerks who look at taking virginity as a conquest.
I think your attitude about virginity is very healthy and if you want to sleep with him knowing it’s casual than do it. But I would tell him at some point maybe while you are making out just so he knows.
Possibly, though I’d generally advise her to not have her first time be a hookup even if it’s not in any kind of forever relationship, either.
I’m over 40. So almost certainly no, on account of almost all women who have not yet had penis-in-vagina sex would lack sufficient life experience^^[1] . You’re in your late 20s though, so that’s an edge case, I suppose. To have sex with a woman in her late 20s, she would still need to have almost a decade of independent life experience and there would have to be a connection that goes beyond physical attraction. Unlikely, but again, consider that I’m significantly older than most reddit users and I don’t think about the world the way most people my age do. (I daresay most men my age would leap at the opportunity to have sex with a 20 something woman.)
^^[1] I don’t mean they lack “penis-in-vagina-sex-experience” I mean they lack about 15-20 years of independent living experience, working on their career, learning about themselves and the world, etc. experience.
yeah tell him soon so he doesn’t have to wonder about you not committing to anything and starting to doubt things. and you won’t have to ask yourself any longer.
If the guy sees it as an ick then it’s better to find out BEFORE you get into bed with him.
There ARE some men who find it either “ick” or are scared to be someone’s first as there IS a common thing that people get very attached to their first and, if they aren’t in it for more than sex, that WILL put them off, but then again, be glad you will have found that out before having sex with them.
This man has respected your boundaries so far and not pushed you too far. He likely suspects you are either a virgin, inexperienced, or very nervous. If he’s still talking to you and engaging with you then I’m sure, while he might be surprised that you’re a virgin, that he will take it in his stride.
As a virgin guy in his mid twenties, I wouldn’t have a problem with a woman who’s also a virgin. Will probably not be the smoothest experience since we’d both not know what we’re doing but we’d figure it out after a few times I’d hope.
Of course not s direct comparison for how a situationship might go for a man vs a woman, as I feel like many men won’t care, including me but I feel like a lot of women would be turned off if I was a virgin, especially for a casual hookup out of all of them.
I’ve had like 5 virgins in my life, so I’d like to say that I hope I never do again. But who knows, if it’s a virgin I really like and she’s not going to make me wait a million years for sex, and is down to at least let me eat her out, I probably would fuck another virgin again.