keep the fire going

I’m curious why any married couple struggles with the frequency of intimacy once kids come into the picture. I feel like life just goes on and I struggle with a lack of sexual intimacy. We are doing counseling which helps a lot on a day to day basis but not in the bedroom. We are married after 10 years 2 kids. I feel like having sex once or twice a month. Has anyone had a successful conversation with their partner?

6 thoughts on “keep the fire going

  1. You have to talk to your partner, tell them that you want more intimacy, that you need it, they should take time to do things together, make them fall in love again, watch a movie as if they were dating, that kind of thing helps the flame not go out and your relationship stays healthy, tell her how pretty she is or how much you love her.

  2. Yes – but it will take a lot of time and effort. Be creative too, take advantage of every break you can get with the kids. Or sometimes just make do with what you got, got kids in the house? Hide in the basement, laundry room, one of the bathrooms.

    For me it doesn’t feel like its a chore but it can be draining sometimes and you just don’t have enough energy to do it some days. Depending on how busy the person is. Stress is also one of the biggest factors as to why it gets neglected. There’s definitely a lot more things to think about, to worry about, to take care of, to look after. So there might not be enough time for it. There are also days that I want to have sex but our schedules don’t line up with each other. So I ask myself, do I have sex and lose sleep? Or do I get more sleep and not have sex today?

    But what worked for us (without having to actually communicate) is that we started spicing things up. Nothing crazy, but it brings something new to the table. It makes me want to experience the same feeling from doing certain things. Therefore, I will initiate more often. It also made me appreciate my partner and sex with my partner more. It’s like we are slowly peeling ourselves to be more open with each other thru sex.

  3. Schedule it. It sucks to put it on a calendar or in your phone. It’s not spontaneous, but it’s something. As your kids get older, there is more time for spontaneity. Hang in there.

  4. Lol we are 4years together, not married, no kids, and nowadays we are also on 1-2 times a month…. Damn… gotta pick up our game and get back into it. Seems like life being hard is the issue haha

  5. I don’t have kids but my friends do. Here are some things they say to me.

    When he gets home he just heads right for the fridge and cracks open a beer before even saying a word to us.
    Most nights doesn’t help with dinner or clean up or barely helps.
    Then on the weekends he gets to go hunting, fishing or hangout with the boys in general. . . And I am again stuck with the kids. I’d really like to even have a poop without kids crawling all over me While I’M On The Toilet! Or even just having a second to myself to have a tea. Or even have a shower where it doesn’t get interrupted by the kids. Then he says they never do anything together but I just wants to have a dinner with her girlfriends but it’s like they have to ask the husband to “babysit” his own kid!

    After all that when they do get some time together the husbands are all over them and they just get annoyed. . . So what I have learned from them is even little things like cleaning up while she puts the kids to bed OR even putting the kids to bed for the mommas helps and do it thoroughly not just read a story real
    Quick and tell them to get to bed read them two or three books if they want. Then after maybe she will feel more into it.

    The whole “ man gets to do what he wants with the boys” thing is a seriously annoying thing my fiends work over 40 hours a week just like their husbands so you can’t tell me the men deserve it more. 🙄

    I’m not saying this is you but I literally have three or four friends that ALL say the same thing. And ALL the husbands really wanted these children and they waited years into the marriage to have them.

    I also find these same moms though focus on the kids a bit too much and DO need to focus more at watering and nurturing their marriages.

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