I (26M) recently got a FWB (27F) who has ringworm. We are in short term relationship as she is moving across country in 3 months. But we have a really strong connection and we love spending time together. I have never been able to talk to anyone so naturally and honestly the way I talk to her. She also said that she hasn’t really felt a connection like this in a long time. He is great in every way. But my friend (who doesn’t have the best opinion) suggested that she has herpes which is a total deal breaker. We use condoms, she’s medicated, she won’t fuck me if she’s having a break, and I eat her. We have amazing sex, our sexual chemistry is also very strong. But my friend says it’s not worth it, I’ll eventually get herpes no matter how much protection we use. I really like her and want to ride it as long as it lasts. Is it worth it to continue having sex with him? Will I catch it eventually? Are there other ways to avoid getting ringworm from him? I don’t think it’s fair to throw it away just because it’s got ringworm.
Is Being FWB With Herpes Worth It?
2 months ago
45 Comments
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Dude think about it this way. Now the sex is good but what happens if things go south and it doesn’t work out with her? Now you got herpes and no girl and a lifetime of dealing with the same thing as her.
Why would you risk it when there are so many women that DON’T have an incurable sex virus?
That’s playing with fire, and ill advised.
I mean, I’m no expert, but you’ve already had sex with her? It’s too late now, no?
If she is medicated daily, the risk is low. But you mention that you eat her out? Not when she has an outbreak, right? B/c you can get both strains of herpes both places.
I had oral herpes (which 80% of the population has) otherwise known as cold sores. I went 20 years being careful. I am not medicated daily, but never kissed or gave a bj to my husband if I had a cold sore. 20+ years later, I get a cold sore after a bj and think, oh good thing it was after. 10 days later he has sores on his penis. So being careful can prevent transmission, but not all of them.
Edit: addendum Condoms do not prevent all transmission and if she has an outbreak she can transmit it to you. If you’re already having sex with her, went down on her without a dental dams. You have already been taking the risk.
It’s herpes. Relax. Anti Virals and a little common sense and you’re safe. And if you catch it? Welcome to the majority.
Wow I must be a minority here. I had a FWB in the past who had herpes. He told me straight up before we were intimate. It didn’t change my opinion, if anything I liked him more for his honesty. We started out using condoms and after a while we stopped using them as we talked about everything, I did research, and the risk is not really existent if he’s not having an active outbreak. We “dated” for like 6 months. I never caught anything from him nor was I ever worried I would.
I’m just like the girl you are dating. I’m on antivirals and abstain if I feel any of the indicators (my lymph nodes get sensitive). I’ve had it for 20+ years and can’t remember my last outbreak which honestly is just an itchy spot that barely looks like anything. Shit is way overblown. But here’s my rundown:
———————
Past husband of 14 years – no condom the last 10 of those years – never transmitted
FWB #1 of 5 months – always condoms – never transmitted
FWB #2 of 18 months – condoms for 12 months, no condoms past six months – never transmitted
——————–
I’m on antivirals and I know my body well….. I am actually safer to sleep with than someone who doesn’t know they have it and is not on antivirals (and that’s *a lot* of people out there)
Hopefully this gives you some real life stats to balance out the commenters in this thread freaking out. Go have some fun!
Your friend is right but it may be too late now. Way too big of a risk for a FWB.
Before you make a decision, google transmission rates.
Transmission from female to male is super low. Over the course of a year, If you have unprotected sexual regularly, there is only like a 4% chance you will get it. If you use condoms or she is on anti virals the risk is even lower.
Male to female transmission is higher but still a lot lower than people think.
Can post the study later but the stigma for herpes is ridiculous. The reason they don’t test for herpes when you get an std test is because the stigma is worse than the virus for most people. Sad to see it’s carried over into this sub that is usually so open and understanding.
The chances of you getting anything if she takes daily meds and you use condoms are very low.
No one can make the decision for you if it’s worth it or not, but you are safer with her – someone who knows and uses protection and meds and knows when to avoid sex – than with someone who doesn’t know they have it.
Yes. Do your research.
That’s not a FWB, it’s a relationship.
Herpes are for life not just for Christmas..
But seriously, there is risk and that’s something only you can decide really.
Well tbh you probably have it already.
Most people have the herpes virus but most dont have outbreaks.
Even kissing can transmit it.
So honestly if you dont have it after fucking her for a while and making out, you’re safe to keep doing it.
First, how and why does your friend know her personal business ?
Second, she sounds responsible and as long as you’re being responsible also the risk is as it would be with anyone else. Ride it out. Enjoy yourselves. I know two people with herpes that have gotten pregnant and never gave their partner anything.
You probably already have herpes as well, it’s just that your immunological system is keeping it in check better for now. So I wouldn’t mind it that much. I got herpes zoster not long ago, a very nasty kind of herpes, and all went well, took the medication and it’s gone. The doctor said all of us have this kind of herpes, but probably marriage, changing houses and a newborn soon to arrive, and monetary shortcomings due to all that, put me in a very stressed mood, that affected my immunological system for a while.
Quit talking to your friend about other people’s herpes.
Iv said the long story on here several times, so your going to get the short version.
I had a FWB who also has herpes. She was amazing in every single way imaginable and our relationship was suppose to be a fling.
8 years later and we’re married, with two kids!
Just do some open minded research, and go with your gut. Herpes has a terrible stigma for something that isn’t really that bad in my opinion.
Edit: we’ve had unprotected sex for 7 of those 8 years, and she been unmedicated for the last 6 years. I just got my test results back several weeks ago and I STILL don’t have herpes
My wife has herpes (oral), and after 15 years togheter I never got it.
Just don’t kiss or have sex while she has an outbreak.
No
It seems like you get along wonderfully as human beings (something that I’ve seen is exceedingly rare in FWB scenarios, love it for y’all!) so if you’re concerned about catching herpes, I’d recommend at the very least continuing to be good friends with her. There’s plenty of non-sexual things you can do to enjoy your time before she moves. That being said, you’re an adult and you’re free to do what you want. You’re doing all the right things concerning protection, especially her communicating her outbreaks. Continue the sex if you want, but just know you are taking risks every time.
Just use the tooter hole. No worries
You’re about to miss out on one of your lives great loves…by taking medical advice from a target cashier. Consult with a doctor. And talk to “her” about your feelings too.
Girl here, I had a female partner that had herpes, wasnt worried about it. As long as they aren’t having an outbreak you should be perfectly fine. Enjoy the sex!
Herpes ain’t no thang homie, especially if she’s medicated for it. The risk of transmitting without an outbreak is virtually non existent. There’s also a really good chance about 1 out of 3 of your previous partners have had herpes and didn’t tell you.
Herpes is only a deal breaker if you don’t understand the virus or have a very immature understanding of sexual health.
You’re taking all the right precautions and the odds are you’ll never contract the virus from her. But it’s worth noting that condoms probably won’t protect you during an outbreak
Totally worth it! It’s not a big deal and more than half the pop have it. You’re lucky enough to have a sexual partner that’s communicative and responsible!
How do you know you don’t already have it, too? Have you been tested? A huge number of people with herpes (oral or genital) are asymptomatic.
If you’re being safe and feel comfortable, go for it
The risk is low. But it damn sure ain’t zero. Marinate on that. Dont let the little head do the thinking for the big one. Do you wanna explain you have herpes to every future partner over a 3 month fling?
Not having an outbreak is not a guarantee that she can’t infect you. That goes for genital herpes and oral herpes. If you are careful you can minimize the risk, but there will always be a risk. If you love her, then it may be worth it. Just resolve to not be angry with her if you do get infected.
I mean, I wouldn’t necessary put my personal health at risk for a FWB situation where there’s no possibility of wanting something more serious with this person in the long run. A FWB is for sex, and if you want sex, then get it from someone else without the risk of catching something. The chances are low, as everyone is saying, but she’s still just a FWB. FWBs come and go and casual sex is… well casual.
I honestly don’t care about herpes. Not that big of a deal and almost everyone has some form of it. I don’t have it but it would never stop me if I was in your situation. Also, you might want to hold on to her if you feel the way you do. Pretty rare to find that kind of connection.
yes
Well, then it sounds like you too will have it soon most likely
About half the population carry the HPV virus. Get over it and use condoms if she has an outbreak. Live a bit, it won’t kill you anyway.
I have herpes. I take valtrex. I’ve never spread it to anyone.
I caught hsv-2 5 years ago and I typically have one outbreak a year (which is a small red bump).
Herpes can only enter the body through an opening such as a wound or an infected hair follicle and it typically only resurfaces in the same place it entered, admittedly I didn’t wear a condom when I caught it from a one night stand (stupid I know) but even if I did it wouldn’t have made any difference because I don’t get any sores on my penis, I get sores above my penis in my pubic region.
I’ve been open and honest with the 3 sexual partners I’ve had since, been careful and none of them have caught it.
Very sadly if someone would’ve told me before that they had herpes I’d have run a mile but now I’ve got it it’s made me realise how over exaggerated it is in society
Are u crazy?? Bro. Like if u asked about a long term relationship or something like that I’d say yeah sure it’s upto u.
But a fwb? No. Getting a nut is not worth the risk to getting herpes.
Why would you risk catching a disease when it’s 100% avoidable
If it were me I would risk it, especially if they have a good handle on it with antivirals and conscious of their outbreaks etc. The risk is pretty low over 3 months if you’re careful. Remember that sex is inherently risky and even without this there’s always some small chance of something bad happening. But the decision is yours based on your risk tolerance
HSV1 is oral Herpes, HSV2 is gentile. Did she say which one it was? roughly 50- 80% of the adult population has HSV1
You only die once. If it’s aggressive and the person needs to be on medication constantly, don’t do it raw. If it’s super suppressed and the individual doesn’t necessarily need medication to keep it away then you’re probably okay with regular prophylaxis and Lorals (better than dental dams). I just assume everyone has it so there’s no surprises. The person is worth the risk if you’re into them.
I broke out with herpes with I was pregnant with my daughter. It was my first time and when I told the doctor I’d never had it before so why now, he said almost everyone who is sexually active has the herpes virus, it’s just latent, and that my hormones caused it to flare up. He told me to take lysine, and to stay away from corn and chocolate. I didn’t omit those from my diet, but I did start taking the lysine. It helped it all go away and I never have breakouts anymore.
Whenever someone I know has a flare up, I tell them to take lysine and it goes away without eruption. The eruption is what causes herpes to spread.
If you’re sexually active most likely you’ve already been exposed to herpes. As long as she doesn’t have a breakout, you should be fine.
Chances are you already have it and don’t even know. Lots of people never show symptoms
If you have been eating her out knowing she has herpes and you are taking that risk I think you already know whether it is a deal breaker for you.
Not sure the actual transmission rate of herpes, but I live by the sword and will die by it. I wouldn’t stop at all, My only questions to myself would be if I rawdog or keep using condoms. 99% of the time I would rawdog.