Is anyone related?

Listen. I [18F] I had a breakup a month or two ago and am in the process of getting over it. It has its ups and downs like everything, but one thing I can’t shake. I keep having intimate dreams with x. Ex was my first and only sexual partner so it makes sense that I have these, but they feel different than the ones I used to have when we were together. I just feel confused and conflicted. I really loved having sex and wanted to have it very badly, but it feels wrong for me to just jump into hookup culture (nothing wrong with those who enjoy it, it’s just because of my demisexual orientation) The reason is not for me). I’m not 1000% ready for a new partner. I need to first heal myself from all the trauma caused by X and take care of myself in general. It’s clear that this will just take time and will eventually pass, but I’d really like to be at the point where I can just touch without my thoughts drifting towards X’s body. Or take a shower without feeling dirty that I let him touch me. The ex never dumped me, I just felt very betrayed knowing that he had actually planned to break up with her before pulling the plug. So yeah, I just want to know if I’m not alone in this. It feels weird and wrong so I really need conformity if more people have it or not. I already feel lonely enough and I’m not close enough to my parents to talk about it. I’ll do my best to bring it up in therapy. It still scares me but I’ll try. In the meantime I just need some unbiased advice from strangers because I literally have no one else 🙂 Thanks and have a nice day.

2 thoughts on “Is anyone related?

  1. Those dreams are totally normal. You just don’t have enough frames of reference to be having them about anyone else.
    I think most people have thoughts and dreams involving ex partners, but the focus is on the sex, and not the person you’re having it with in those dreams.

  2. I still have dreams(infrequently) about the girlfriend I was with when I was your age and I’m in my 30s and have been married for like 9 years now. I’d never go back to her and I’m not really attracted to her but I did lose my virginity to her and we had a lot of good sex and those memories will never really go away even though we weren’t right for each other and she did some really messed up things(like stop taking birth control without telling me because she wanted to get pregnant so I’d have to drop out of college to stay with her). So I think it’s totally normal.

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