My boyfriend says he feels like he’s only giving about 70-80% of himself in bed and doesn’t know what’s going on. He says it is not me and he is still enjoying as before but feels that I am not enjoying as much because of his perceived decline in performance. What do I have to do with it? Anything I can do to make this thought go away? & # x200b;B; My boyfriend and I were talking about sex yesterday and he dropped the bombshell that he’s been feeling like he hasn’t been giving his 100% in bed lately, and he doesn’t know how to fix it. I immediately became concerned thinking he is not enjoying it as much as before but he says he is not, that he feels he is letting me down. I don’t know how he was able to get that impression. I make a point of not faking or exaggerating the orgasms, but I do give a lot of positive reinforcement and I make no secret of the fact that I find him extremely sexually attractive and I think he likes it in bed. I am very good at For context, we’ve been dating this week for 3 months, and he struggles with self-esteem and adequacy issues, especially when it comes to masculinity and relationships. He is also a massive perfectionist and workaholic, and is physically incapable of giving up on a task before it meets his standards, even if it is beyond his skills (he has recently gotten into amateur plumbing – this “fun”. My fear is that the reason he feels he can’t perform like he used to is because I no longer “motivate” him. Maybe he feels like we’re skipping the honeymoon phase and getting comfortable, and that part of the spark is gone. I would hate for that to happen. But when he’s struggling with his own insecurities, I don’t want to bother him with my own insecurities, and I wish he could tell me all kinds of things, even uncomfortable things ( especially uncomfortable things) secret instead of letting them in because he doesn’t want to bother me. What do you think that means and how do we overcome it? Below I have transcribed, translated my texts. I tried to keep the tone intact as much as possible. & # x200b;B; *Her: I really hope I’m doing a good job, but I admit, I’ve been feeling out of control lately. Almost like I don’t know what I’m doing* *Me: What do you mean?* *H: I think you understand about 70% of me. But I don’t know where the rest 30% has gone. One of the deepest orgasms I’ve ever had with anyone. I’m not saying that to hurt your ego, it’s just the way it is. But, are you all right? I don’t want you to feel like you’re missing something.* *H: How so? You are giving me a lot.* *M: Still. If you think you are doing a bad job or you can get better. I don’t want you to get stuck in that headspace.* *(we talk about some other things)* *M: Back to that topic. Does this mean you are having 70/80% of the same enjoyment as before?* *H: No. At least I don’t think so. Curious.* *H: I feel like I can do more for you and I’m not. It’s like a broken battery. It says it is fully charged but it is only like 80% and not more*
Boyfriend Says He Feels Like He’s Not Performing Like He Should Be – What Do I Tell That?
2 months ago 5 Comments
Just tell him to stop overthinking if you say there isn’t an issue from your side
Something could be weighing on his mind heavily. Stress really is a bitch. He could be experiencing hormonal changes due to a medical issue. Any new medications can certainly make you not feel like yourself as well. He could be developing depression, or anxiety severe or worsening depression. There are a lot of possible answers here.
I think talking to him about it again is probably a good idea. Your recollection of the dialogue makes me think that he is telling the truth. Something feels wrong with him and he doesnt know why. The fact that you are both engaged in each other is a good sign though.
I am a medically Ill person who deals with everything I listed above. Me and my girlfriend have had plenty of discussions that toot a similar horn. You’ll get through whatever’s it is though. Just keep an eye on him.
I’d ask more questions to understand what he means about not feeling like he’s at 100%.
Does he feel like his erections aren’t as hard or don’t last as long as they used to? Like he can’t thrust as hard or for as long? Does he just feel tired or sick?
I’m gonna play devils advocate, could be his way of manipulation for a kink or fetish that may be way out there. By playing the marter and playing to your emotions might be his way of getting what he wants. I hope this is not true for your sake because it’s a terrible way to act in a relationship.
Man is feeling age creep up on him. It’s only downhill from here, buddy 😉